How did you tell your partner?

Hayden Monet

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I just blurted it out one afternoon in the car and she said she never wanted tos ee it, or have anything to do with it. But since then she's come to accept it as part of me and I have heels and ggirl clothes in my closet, wear panties daily, she fucks me witha strap-on as a reualr part of ur sex life - not dressed, mind you.

It's beena tough road but we're doing all we can to make it work. I'm also seeing a therapist to reconcile my dual nature
 

Whanda

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I have accepted my dual nature and enjoy it. I really don’t want it “fixed”. I would like the rest of society to not be judgmental and accepting of people a little different but doing no harm to anyone.
 

Sandra

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I have accepted my dual nature and enjoy it. I really don’t want it “fixed”. I would like the rest of society to not be judgmental and accepting of people a little different but doing no harm to anyone.
You can go out fully dressed and nobody will really care. It doesnt hurt anyone you dont know. The people it bothers are the ones you do know, your friends and family who only have known you in guy mode. But suddenly at 50 you come out and say "Hey, look at me! Im trans, or like to wear womens clothes." They have had no idea you have been like this since birth or have been hiding it for 50 years. To them its brand new, like you you decided today you were like this and they cant wrap their heads around it, so they smile and nod and you never see them again because they are embarrassed by it. We all know this deep down and thats why its so hard to tell the people closest to us. I give 2 shits to what the masses think.
 

Samanthaxd240

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So I married very young (19) and kept this part of myself deeply buried. I think I was 23 or 24 when I opened up to my then wife and her reaction was...not good. Between hurling homophobic slurs at me and telling me that I wasn't a "real man" I felt terrible and repressed it even further. We separated shortly after and finally filed for divorce when I was 26. After that I decided to embrace "Samantha" and explore my own sexuality. I started dating again but made the decision to just be up front about both my gender expression as well as my sexuality (bi). The first time I was dating someone and had to open up was hard, embarrassing but I figured it was better to get it out early as opposed to later when the emotional bonds were stronger. It went incredibly well, so well that we wound up together for 9 years. She was supportive, would attend some events, help me shop. The relationship didn't last but we still remain close friends now.

Flash forward to now and after a bit of dating, I met another woman who I "clicked" with. I told her about a month and a half into dating and she was curious because she couldn't picture me in a feminine sense so I showed her my profile over on "Fetlife" and she was in disbelief about how different I looked. She said she wanted to see "Samantha" and suggested a weekend get away to a cottage. We went and she loved it. We've been together 4 years now, we're now engaged and plan a few "girls weekends" a year (it's difficult to do more between kids, dogs and work) and I just couldn't be happier :)
 

AmyDresser

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So I married very young (19) and kept this part of myself deeply buried. I think I was 23 or 24 when I opened up to my then wife and her reaction was...not good. Between hurling homophobic slurs at me and telling me that I wasn't a "real man" I felt terrible and repressed it even further. We separated shortly after and finally filed for divorce when I was 26. After that I decided to embrace "Samantha" and explore my own sexuality. I started dating again but made the decision to just be up front about both my gender expression as well as my sexuality (bi). The first time I was dating someone and had to open up was hard, embarrassing but I figured it was better to get it out early as opposed to later when the emotional bonds were stronger. It went incredibly well, so well that we wound up together for 9 years. She was supportive, would attend some events, help me shop. The relationship didn't last but we still remain close friends now.

Flash forward to now and after a bit of dating, I met another woman who I "clicked" with. I told her about a month and a half into dating and she was curious because she couldn't picture me in a feminine sense so I showed her my profile over on "Fetlife" and she was in disbelief about how different I looked. She said she wanted to see "Samantha" and suggested a weekend get away to a cottage. We went and she loved it. We've been together 4 years now, we're now engaged and plan a few "girls weekends" a year (it's difficult to do more between kids, dogs and work) and I just couldn't be happier :)
That's quite a roller coaster, but I'm glad you have found someone again and better than ever!
Speaking personally, and for many of us, it's too bad we spend so much of our lives getting to a Good Place, which is one of my regrets too.
 

AmyDresser

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You can go out fully dressed and nobody will really care. It doesnt hurt anyone you dont know. The people it bothers are the ones you do know, your friends and family who only have known you in guy mode. But suddenly at 50 you come out and say "Hey, look at me! Im trans, or like to wear womens clothes." They have had no idea you have been like this since birth or have been hiding it for 50 years. To them its brand new, like you you decided today you were like this and they cant wrap their heads around it, so they smile and nod and you never see them again because they are embarrassed by it. We all know this deep down and thats why its so hard to tell the people closest to us. I give 2 shits to what the masses think.
This is what would bother me most coming out to people I've known for decades. They think that they know that "guy" very well, but then there's this side of me. I'm sure it would be a shock to a lot of those folks.
I did tell my oldest friend back in the pandemic when we were emailing back and forth a lot and twice I signed off as Amy, and figured I better say something. That did go well and we are still friends.
 

Frances

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This is what would bother me most coming out to people I've known for decades. They think that they know that "guy" very well, but then there's this side of me. I'm sure it would be a shock to a lot of those folks.
I did tell my oldest friend back in the pandemic when we were emailing back and forth a lot and twice I signed off as Amy, and figured I better say something. That did go well and we are still friends.
Yes. I’m still not out to some of my closest friends. One in particular who is politically kind of conservative in a traditional kind of way (not a whack job reactionary). I don’t want it to be an intense big reveal and am waiting for a moment when I can bring it up coincidentally and probably not providing any particular detail. I figure I’ll just say something about being queer and let him ask for details if he wants. It’s a bit like kids: too much information can be a bad thing.
 

Samanthaxd240

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That's quite a roller coaster, but I'm glad you have found someone again and better than ever!
Speaking personally, and for many of us, it's too bad we spend so much of our lives getting to a Good Place, which is one of my regrets too.
Believe me, I have a great deal of empathy for other girls who have to have to hide this part of themselves as well as for their partners/wives have found out after years and years. That's why I made the decision after my first marriage to just open up about it early on when dating and seeing potential for something long term. I also realize just how fortunate I am to have found not just a supportive partner but an enthusiastic one !
 

AmyDresser

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Believe me, I have a great deal of empathy for other girls who have to have to hide this part of themselves as well as for their partners/wives have found out after years and years. That's why I made the decision after my first marriage to just open up about it early on when dating and seeing potential for something long term. I also realize just how fortunate I am to have found not just a supportive partner but an enthusiastic one !
I have a good friend and this time it's another CD, who told his wife after 30+ years of marriage. The issue she had wasn't that her dear hubby liked to dress up, but that he hadn't trusted her enough to tell her.
They are still together, but it nearly wrecked their marriage simply from the mistrust not being open caused.

It's a tough, tough choice for a cd to make.
A true Pandora's Box.
 

Jill Jiles

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It was about 30 years ago that I told my wife. I figured out that the odds were stacking up against me for getting caught. Having read articles on the subject, I thought it would be better to tell her on my terms, than accidentally get caught. We went for a drive, and stopped at a park. We talked with me telling her the whole story from the start of my dressing. She thought that I was having an affair. The typical questions came, are you gay, do you want to become a woman, etc. She took it rather well. I was given the freedom to buy myself some clothes, etc. Slowly more freedom, and dressing in front of her. This was after the children were off to college, and/or had moved out of the home. I now dress the way my mood feels, but I don't go out as per our agreement.
 

AmyDresser

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It was about 30 years ago that I told my wife. I figured out that the odds were stacking up against me for getting caught. Having read articles on the subject, I thought it would be better to tell her on my terms, than accidentally get caught. We went for a drive, and stopped at a park. We talked with me telling her the whole story from the start of my dressing. She thought that I was having an affair. The typical questions came, are you gay, do you want to become a woman, etc. She took it rather well. I was given the freedom to buy myself some clothes, etc. Slowly more freedom, and dressing in front of her. This was after the children were off to college, and/or had moved out of the home. I now dress the way my mood feels, but I don't go out as per our agreement.
Glad you have that understanding with your wife. It makes life so much better when she is in the know.

When I told my wife I wanted to go out, that was another level of discussion and then acceptance for her and it was a hurdle. Fortunately one we got through. Now she comes out with me, some of my CD friends and their partners have become her good friends too.
All are stages and it so much depends on the people involved.
 

LeesaMetz

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while ive never told my wife, one day (8 years ago?) she was taking our daughter someplace. id been pretty randy all day and about as soon as they pulled out of the doorway, i had my favorite pair of pink nylon panties on, with a pair of thigh highs, and some black patent sling back-peep toe heels. i lay back across the bed and had my hands on my junk when she walked back in the room, asked "what are you doing?" and continued on to the closet. i got up and kicked off the shoes as quick as i could and she walked back through on the way out to the car.

nothing was ever said about it, ive since purged and then added 5 new dresses and dozens of pairs of panties and some bras and forms... she's never brought any of it up so i dont know if she knows and dozen care or knows and doesnt want to bring it up or doesnt really know...
 

Josie B

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... I was a total coward and I let it all happen to me Instead of putting her in her place right off the bat and making sure she stayed there.
That sounds misogynistic. But it's true.

Even others close to us recognized it and told me. But I was scared of her.

In my 30's and 40's I was a virile sexual person in my prime. 15 yrs of that was lost to misery.
I was 100% honest and open to her in the beginning. The hysterectomy changed everything.
Not only physically but my emotional needs as well. Right out the window. She did

I tried to be a very supportive and loving spouse and good husband, helped her and backed off sexually.
The effect though, was that it amplified the existing personality that was already there.
As long as she was comfortable in her own mind I didn't matter. As long as I kept being a good boy and supporting her existence.

If any of you have to think about hysterectomy for your partner, unless it's immediately life threateningly serious,.. think twice. Seek other options.
It's a big business for the gyno's tearing women's guts out. They don't care. It's money for them every surgery they perform.
The future ramifications for the family can be life altering

If any of the younger ones see these posts we've written here take heed !!

Don't waste big portions of the precious years we have and your youthful energy .

Don't be scared and hide.

Don't waste your time with the wrong person out of fear.

Maybe the hard choices and learn from some of our mistakes
Wow. There are some lessons in here for me and I am sure, others. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
 

Cherylxd

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My wife caught me dressed up. We weren’t married and had just got engaged. We were in Mexico and she’d gone out. I had been eyeing up a particular set of bra and panties of hers and being in the laundry I didn’t think there would be an issue in me just trying them. Of course before I knew it, I had on one of her skirts (black) and shoes that had a small kitten heel. I was just about to choose a top when the door to the hotel room opened and in she walked. Shortly after, having shouted and with me begging, she walked out. Sometime later she returned and had me dress up again, which was awesome on my part. Eager to calm the situation, I obliged immediately. We talked and I told her everything and that I’d been dressing for 14 years (at the time) we ended up having sex with me dressed up, which was amazing and unfortunately I didn’t last long.

We got married and she even dressed me up on our honeymoon, makeup and everything, which was a first. Again we had sex and I slept in my lingerie that night. Over the years we’ve had some amazing times but never have I dressed fully with her. That was until July this year, she bought me my first wig and we spent a night away. I’d bought new lingerie, outfit and shoes, she’d bought me makeup, false nails and a wig. Unfortunately, the pressure of the situation got to us and we ended up arguing with her saying some hateful things. I haven’t dressed up with her since and all my old secretive ways are creeping back in
 

AmyDresser

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My wife caught me dressed up. We weren’t married and had just got engaged. We were in Mexico and she’d gone out. I had been eyeing up a particular set of bra and panties of hers and being in the laundry I didn’t think there would be an issue in me just trying them. Of course before I knew it, I had on one of her skirts (black) and shoes that had a small kitten heel. I was just about to choose a top when the door to the hotel room opened and in she walked. Shortly after, having shouted and with me begging, she walked out. Sometime later she returned and had me dress up again, which was awesome on my part. Eager to calm the situation, I obliged immediately. We talked and I told her everything and that I’d been dressing for 14 years (at the time) we ended up having sex with me dressed up, which was amazing and unfortunately I didn’t last long.

We got married and she even dressed me up on our honeymoon, makeup and everything, which was a first. Again we had sex and I slept in my lingerie that night. Over the years we’ve had some amazing times but never have I dressed fully with her. That was until July this year, she bought me my first wig and we spent a night away. I’d bought new lingerie, outfit and shoes, she’d bought me makeup, false nails and a wig. Unfortunately, the pressure of the situation got to us and we ended up arguing with her saying some hateful things. I haven’t dressed up with her since and all my old secretive ways are creeping back in
Good and bad in your post I see, nice you and your wife can enjoy it and have some fun, but sorry to hear it's all turned the other way. Some women can seem to handle this much better than others.
 

Alexa

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Yes I agree with Amy good and bad.
But welcome to the form there are lots of good people to talk with in here
Welcome Cheryl
 

Cherylxd

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Good and bad in your post I see, nice you and your wife can enjoy it and have some fun, but sorry to hear it's all turned the other way. Some women can seem to handle this much better than others.
To be fair she’s handled it really well over the years, but said some hurtful stuff on this occasion. Completely killed the situation and I changed from Cheryl mode to male mode.

The following day she did apologise and as we discussed the situation she said my whole persona had changed when I was crossdressed, which shocked her. I explained to her that this was the idea, I was dressing and presenting as a female and my mannerisms will change. I didn’t consciously change my mannerisms but must have been the female side of me coming out.

Anyway, I haven’t dressed up with her since that time, she does still reference my crossdressing but the more time that passes, the more awkward it is becoming. She has said I can take myself upstairs when I feel the need to crossdress, but I haven’t done this and fell really awkward about doing it or even broaching the subject. Any advice?
 

Sandra

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Then you need to have a long discussion with your wife. Also, imagine the reverse is happening, and its her that wants to be a guy. She cuts her hair, doesnt shave her legs, binds her chest, no more perfume, bras or dresses. No makeup or long nails. Lowers her voice to match, and you're the one trying to be supportive. It might be fun at first but would get boring soon after. But she wants you to be involved in more manly stuff in her life.
 

Sometimes_Caroline

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Hi,
I havent posted in a long time.
Ive looked at a few threads recently with interest.

95% of women want a man. They want their man to be a man. (My second wife pointed this out) Thats how they are programmed. It fucks them up when its not that way.
Its very very rare that women are truly open minded and supportive.
If so, even then the dynamic can change over time.
Though mine says she is supportive and weve had fun shopping, after almost 4.5 yrs together, it feels uncomfortable and I do not dress in her presence now.
Things have changed in the relationship in general, the amazing sex life we once had has become non existent, she has underlying stress from a number of life circumstances and though i dress cassualy at home during the day (retired, she has to work) It absolutely does not come up between us now.
 

AmyDresser

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Cherl,
you have probably not seen any of my posts and I apologize for those who have because I am going to repeat myself. I met a girl in 1981 and ended up marrying her I was 27 at the time and she was 17, at that stage I had been crossdressing since I was 7. I would be in ecstasy putting on my mums corselttes girdles stockings and suspender belts etc.

I was married for 23 years and managed to keep my crossdressing a secret for 22 of those years,I got complacent and she found some of my stuff and tipped it out on the table in front of me. You can imagine the "emotions that went through me at that moment...shock,embarrassment,fear,regret...and strangely "releif".

Anyway it caused us to part eventually after a lot of arguing. Not sure if it was the right thing to do but I showed her videos of me fully dressed up as Raquel with make-up etc and she was shocked and actually told me I looked like a women. Shortly after we split, probably 3 months she had a VERY brief lesbian affair but then met her chilhood sweetheart again after a long time and married him.

We are still friends and she has always kept my secret. We have talked at length about Raquel etc and she told me the thing that hurt her most is that I did not tell her before we married. After seeing me as Raquel she said it was almost like there being another woman in the marriage. I deeply regret not telling her and when I think about it I can now totally understand how hard it must have been for her to find out and come to terms with it, which she couldn't and I do not blame her for that, who knows maybe if it had been the other way round I would have felt equally devastated and hurt.

She left a lot of her clothes here when she left and said she come back and get them but I think she left them for me. They all fit me even her shoes as I am tiny.

I suppose what I am saying is TRY to understand how she feels.

Raquel.
Raquel, this was the situation with a good friend of mine who was like so many of us a virtual lifetime dresser. He/She finally told their wife after about 30 years of marriage, and what hurt her the most wasn't that her man liked to dress up, but that he didn't trust her enough to tell her many years earlier.
They did survive as a couple but it certainly hurt their marriage badly.
 

AmyDresser

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Well said Sandra.. my wife is supportive but at the end of the day she still what's her husband. So I always respect the too sides of our relationship.
That is very much the case in my marriage. My wife is incredibly supportive, but she does want her husband most of the time so I have to balance things in our relationship.
 

Cherylxd

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Cherl,
you have probably not seen any of my posts and I apologize for those who have because I am going to repeat myself. I met a girl in 1981 and ended up marrying her I was 27 at the time and she was 17, at that stage I had been crossdressing since I was 7. I would be in ecstasy putting on my mums corselttes girdles stockings and suspender belts etc.

I was married for 23 years and managed to keep my crossdressing a secret for 22 of those years,I got complacent and she found some of my stuff and tipped it out on the table in front of me. You can imagine the "emotions that went through me at that moment...shock,embarrassment,fear,regret...and strangely "releif".

Anyway it caused us to part eventually after a lot of arguing. Not sure if it was the right thing to do but I showed her videos of me fully dressed up as Raquel with make-up etc and she was shocked and actually told me I looked like a women. Shortly after we split, probably 3 months she had a VERY brief lesbian affair but then met her chilhood sweetheart again after a long time and married him.

We are still friends and she has always kept my secret. We have talked at length about Raquel etc and she told me the thing that hurt her most is that I did not tell her before we married. After seeing me as Raquel she said it was almost like there being another woman in the marriage. I deeply regret not telling her and when I think about it I can now totally understand how hard it must have been for her to find out and come to terms with it, which she couldn't and I do not blame her for that, who knows maybe if it had been the other way round I would have felt equally devastated and hurt.

She left a lot of her clothes here when she left and said she come back and get them but I think she left them for me. They all fit me even her shoes as I am tiny.

I suppose what I am saying is TRY to understand how she feels.

Raquel.
Thank you for sharing Raquel, and I can take a lot from you story. I know I need to compromise and understand her feelings more. For the most part, I am all male, love football (soccer!), going to the pub with mates etc

Thanks again and thanks to all the other girls who responded, I think I need to be more open with her, as difficult as that might be or prove

Cheryl xx
 

AmyDresser

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Thank you for sharing Raquel, and I can take a lot from you story. I know I need to compromise and understand her feelings more. For the most part, I am all male, love football (soccer!), going to the pub with mates etc

Thanks again and thanks to all the other girls who responded, I think I need to be more open with her, as difficult as that might be or prove

Cheryl xx
I hope things go well there on the home front. In other parts of my life I'm known as a pretty hard core car person (I have trouble calling myself a car guy these days) which I do enjoy that's a big part of my life as is this. So I too am very much a dual gender individual.
 
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